Feline Freitag - Sleeping

Cleo pretty much rules our house. As you can see, she takes my pillow at night. She only does this until I fall asleep, then she moves down to lock my position for the night by sleeping between my knees. Only cat caretakers can understand the contortions one goes through to let a cat continue to sleep while changing positions in the night. Its probably that toxoplasmo parasite in my brain. Cats carry this parasite so they can control the behavior of their caretakers.

Cleo should be very proud, she's trained me well.

As you read this, Sparky and I are either in the FRA airport or on the plane. I think probably around 11:00 CET, I will be chugging down my contraband bottle of nightqyl. I was thinking of a combo with tylenol PM, but i don't really want to OD. I hear its really expensive to touchdown in Greenland.

That's were we'll be when I hope to be feeling the effects. Flying over Canada is so boring and long. No offense to my Canadian friends, but the little plane on the little map takes FOREVER to move over Canada. If I could just sleep for the entire Canada part and wake up when we're over Idaho, I would be one happy camper.

I will be positing over the holidays. Hopefully, I'll get Jeff or Mim to guest post. Sparky's not allowed as he only posts Kylie and I am so over Kylie. All I ever hear is Kylie this and Kylie that. I don't ever say "Well, if you love Kylie so much, why don't you marry her" because Sparky would forget about his American wife and his American vacation and take off for France where Kylie is apparently residing right now.

Lufthansa and United have dropped their maximum baggage weight. This is a problem for me. I usually pack within 1 pound of the max 70 lbs. So, I have no idea what I'm going to do now. Markus said, "Pack less, shop less."

I'm surprised he wasn't immediately struck by lightning. I mean, really, that's blasphemy. Pack less, shop less? What was he thinking? The obvious solution is another suitcase.

So, aufwiedersehen for now. Be safe, chickadees.

Infected and Unmotivated

First of all, Haddock left a comment that I had been infected and should go see his blog. His blog entry started off with a doctor’s appointment. I was waiting for the “…now everyone I’ve met in a the last six months must stay at home until the incubation period is over.” I think this is cruel.

So, the Green Haddock did infected me, it seems. Not with Hepatitis C or Ebola, but rather a very easy meme. So here it goes.

Rules: Post 5 random and weird facts about yourself, then at the end, list the names of 5 people whom you in turn infect. Also, leave a post to these people letting them know they have been infected.

1. My left eye doesn’t close all the way when I sleep.
2. I can pick up almost anything with my toes.
3. I cannot drink tequila because tequila is bottled aggression and I end up
fighting. (or another word that starts with F)
4. In college I cheated on an ethics test and my teacher made a really big deal
about how well I did in comparison to the rest of the class.
5. As a child, I ate snails out of the garden until my mom thought she had poisoned
me with snail-b-gone. After the hose down the throat experience, I stopped eating
garden snails.

So, here you go. I’m passing it on to some fabu people I want to know more about: Jeweled Concrete, American in Düsseldorf, Library Lady, Prairie Girl and Misspelled

Now, I have my test today, so I must go study. It’s really hard to focus right now with so much else to do. And I’m excited/nervös about the flight. I’m excited about seeing the wonder twins and sad to leave my kittens. We have a fabu house sitter. Our friend Mikey. He did it before for us when we went to Tuscany. The cats know him and he doesn’t mind morning snuggles.

The Cleo’s a bit worried. Mike has been instructed how to feed her and he’s not as much of a push over as I am. So, her diet will be enforced without me having to suffer. I made sure Mike knew to feed her at night otherwise he would get no sleep.

My back officially went out Wed night and I’ve been gimping and limping my way around. It usually snaps back into place if I can bend backwards far enough. It just hurts too much right now, but I’m going to have to bite the bullet. Its funny how a simple muscle spasm can completely debilitate you. I guess its really just pay back. I’ve been betraying my body for so long, it has to bite back occasionally.

So, I REALLY have to finish studying. Jeez. I’ve worked so hard on this class, yet I have no motivation to study for this test. Maybe I’m becoming more Euro, but I think I need a three week vacation. Studying Deutsch for three months straight is a tiresome.

Wakey-Uppy Little Brother

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned it before, but I have a little ritual that I practice when a loved one is sleeping and I want attention or need to wake them up for some reason or another. I do get up before most everyone I know. I can spend hours waiting for people to wake up, so I sing a little song. It’s called “The Wakey-Uppy Song” (click to hear) (I change these stunning and clever lyrics to fit the situation and person.)

Wakey-uppy little brother
Wakey-uppy
Wakey-uppy little brother
Wakey-uppy
Wakey-uppy little brother
The sun is shinning
Ooooouuuutside
Wakey-uppy little brother
Wakey-uppy

So, far and wide, I am known for this treasured pastime of joyfully wakening up my sweet siblings. Unfortunately, my sweet siblings do not find this as joyful as I do.

So, why does this matter? Well, Jeff and I made a bet that he would not hang these hooks as he was supposed to do since I got back in September. He is a crack negotiator and got me up to 4 wakey-uppy free days, 2 work days and 2 sleep-in days. He claims they are of his choosing, but I doubt that. I can’t believe I would agree to that, but maybe.

And of course, Mim cannot be a judge as she is a total turncoat.

I required photo proof within MY yesterday.

So they sent it. It's a horrible picture of the two of them, but its proof nonetheless. They finally hung the hooks. They did it before I got back to the states and Jeff won. As it says on the paper, which they wrote backwards in order for it to be read in the mirror, no Wakey-Uppy song for four days.

I do, however, have a few other songs up my sleeve (click to hear).

My brother’s name is Pokey,
Pokey’s very sleepy
Pokey wakes up slowly
in the morn-ning

Its really quite obnoxious and I keep trying to change it, but it just falls off my tongue this way.

Can you tell I’m an older sister? Jeff says I’m sheisty. I think I’m just very clever.

You have to wake up very early to outwit me. And if you need help, I’m right here.

Feline Freitag - Peanuts

Feline Freitag - Todays theme "Peanuts" Cleo started this trend with her love of peanuts. Fin followed. Both cats jumped in by their own will. Cleo jumped out, but Fin played for a while. Kiska doesn't like boxes or peanuts or really anything but Sparky. I pulled a muscle in my shoulder today carrying the cats to the vets office. I can no longer lift my right arm. I guess its time Cleo lost weight. Cleo response,"Et Tu Brute".

The count down to lift off has begun. This time next week, I will be five hours away from San Francisco. I don't have a food list this time. I don't even have a shopping list. I just can't wait to see the wondertwins and hang out. They even got a cleaning lady to come twice before I arrive. This means I won't have to clean the bathroom before I shower after a 12 hr flight.

It also means I will have taken the GKIII test and either passed or failed. This time next week, I probably will not care as I will be three sheets to the wind off of NightQyl in a feeble attempt to sleep in peasant class.

We still don't have a cat sitter and I'm getting really really worried. A neighbor offered to scoop the poop and feet the little guys, but its an awful lot of work for a really long time. I would hate to impose. Our last resort is guesting them at a katzen house. I don't want to do that, but man, its better than starving.

Anyone want to house sit and play with kitties?

Der Grosse Vogel isst meine Cabeza!

I’ve been a busy girl these last few days. Between school and getting ready for my trip, I’m going a little crazy.

I had a dream the other night.  I was in a jungle or a rainforest.  I was walking around trying to find my way when I met a very big bird.  He looked a little like a Toucan, but his beak opened really, really wide.

The bird kept saying “Cabeza, Cabeza…  Cabeza, Cabeza.”

I liked the bird; I thought he was quite sweet.  For some reason, in my dream, I though cabeza meant melon.  I thought the bird wanted to eat some melon.  So I suggested to someone around me (I have no idea who this person was, didn’t see a face) to get the sweet bird some melon.

The bird promptly ate my head.

I ran around, headless, but still able to think and see.  I kept repeating to myself, “ Der grosse Vogel isst meine Cabeza!!  Der grosse Vogel isst meine Cabeza!!  Cuatro cervesas, por favor.  Das ist muy importante, bitteschön!!“  Then I woke up.

I think I might be accessing that language part of my brain and my high school and college Spanish is coming back to me.

What would you call that Spangdeutsch?

Sparky bought me the new Robbie Williams today.  He says its because he loves me and wanted me to have a treat.  I think he is really, really tired of Kelly Clarkson.

Behind these green eyes...

I’ve done nothing all day. The house is a mess, homework is to be done, laundry to be folded. E-mails to return. I’ve slept, I read, I slept some more. The next two weeks are promising to be murderous and I figured today was my only chance to veg and conquer the cold that has been threatening me for the last week.

I finished my Christmas shopping. My sister and I shopped together over the last two days, comparing notes, suggesting stores, colors and sizes. Comparing credit card totals. I even put together a spreadsheet with purchases, totals and order numbers.

Yes, Mim is still in Cali. Yes, I’m still in Boweltown.

Ah, the age of Internet is a golden one. She and I talk morning and night. Hers and mine. We surf together, shopping at one place and then another. It is so much fun. And I didn’t have to scream at a single salesperson or threaten to slit my wrists if I was forced into another packed shopping mall.

So we’re done! Both of us. If you have not e-mailed either one of us a Christmas list, you’re SOL. You’re done, toast, finis, fertig. You’ll have to fake happy on Christmas morning.

Jeff managed to get us his list.

The siblings are planning a trip to Ireland in the spring and Jeff has decided economy class is beneath him. Life behind the blue curtain is just too, too cruel. So a business class ticket is first on his list. He’s terrified of flying. And he’s afraid of heights. A 12 hr flight is really not his idea of a good time. Mim and I have guilted him into this trip, so maybe we could donate to the BC fund. Probably not, though.

Here’s a typical missive from Jeff:

What I want for Christmas...
What would REALLY like for Christmas is for everyone who loves me to put their money together and help me buy a round trip BUSINESS class ticket to Frankfurt, if I'm going to die I at least want to be comfortable and intoxicated during the fiery plummet to earth. Seeing as how I doubt that will happen I am trying to compile some sort of list to keep the lions at bay and this is what I have come up with:
-DVDs-
Medieval Total War Battle Collection
-Gift Certificates-

There, my part is done, now if any of you would like to presents this year you will return the favor and send me a list. Now, please I know you all love me very very much and would happily buy me everything on my list and more but please, I have no need for duplicates so stay in touch with each other to avoid me having to act happy with the same thing twice. Thank you so much my adoring family.

-Original Treasure

And after all that work, He’s not getting a damn thing on the list.

On a different note, I have been listening to one particular song for the last five days. I wouldn’t say I have a horrible taste in music. Others might, but I think I’m eclectic in my choices. Right now, its Kelly Clarkson. Last week it was Wolfsheim. The week before it was Richard Thompson.

I use headphones when I’m sitting at my desk. I usually need to concentrate when sitting down. I have ADD or some other over-used ailment that gives my lack of attention span an excuse. With headphones, the part of my brain that grows bored with verbs and/or taxes is busy singing. It doesn’t work with music just playing in the room; I need the music funneled directly into my brain. Loudly. Only then can the rest of my brain can function without interference.

Unfortunately, my fabu noise-reduction headphones broke when I tried to see if they would fit over my boobs (they didn't). Since then, I’ve tied the right ear part on with a ribbon. The problem with this is that since they don’t fit perfectly anymore, Sparky can hear the music too. And as I like it loud, he’s experiencing Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone” right along with me and my air drums. Occasionally I’ll bust out with actual singing.

I say singing, but it’s usually just a long held note that I really have no business trying to reach “again and again and a AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

Or maybe a line with a lot of emotion “How come I never hear you say, I just want to be with you”. This is usually accompanied with finger pointing.

Sparky’s ears are bleeding right now and all I can say is…

I'm so movin' on, yeah, yeah Thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want Since u been gone…

Feline Freitag and Liebhabers

Feline Freitag is here again. Today Kiska is the feline of the day. She is a sweet large black girl cat with damaged vocal cords so she squeaks instead of meows. She really is pitch black. Its hard to photograph her because she's just like a panther. This beast is Markus' other female. She sleeps next to him at night and prefers to be around Sparky to me.

She's the quietest cat I've ever known. She used to get her butt kicked by my cat Sig, but since he died, she's really come into her own. With The new kitten, Kiska kicks ass.

So, here's to Sparky's girl.

On a different note, I learned a new word this week at school. I actually learned it Monday, so all week, I've been using it in example sentences and in my homework. I've actually used it everywhere I can. The women in my class think I’m either a total slut or just a very bad wife.

When I came home on Monday, I shared this newfound knowledge with Sparky. He was a bit horrified at what Studio Mondiale teaches its students.

The word?... Liebhaber.

A Liebhaber is a lover, but specifically someone other than your regular partner. So Markus cannot be my liebhaber because he is my Ehemann, husband in English.

I think that's totally boring. I want a Liebhaber without all the drama(and since I'm pretty much head-over-heels-gaga-in-love with Sparky this might be a problem), but I don't want an Ehemann, I want a Liebhaber. Ehemann is really not a pretty word. Liebhaber has a bit of an exotic ring. Well, as exotic as German can get, right? Doesn't a Termin mit mein Liebhaber sound so exciting.

As Vin Diesel is 1. gay and 2. unavailable, Markus has agreed to be both. Not gay and unavailable (Miranda and Jeff, shut your traps), but rather my Ehemann AND my Liebhaber. My Liebhaber is in München today. I dropped his awesome ass off at the train station this morning at 4 am. This would be a chore if it were my husband, but since it was my Liebhaber, I was more than happy to accomodate his schedule. What one does for love.

Acrylic Pains, Rhinestone Thrills

I have a question. Why do people wear acrylic fibers? Yes, yes, I know all the “benefits”, but really, why wear it? It doesn’t breathe and it holds odor like Floridians hold MP3 players on Black Friday.

Sitting in my class today, my mind wandered from the plusquamperfect lesson to the merits of acrylic.

She wore an ugly smelly sweater. Before she bathed, she had had put on an ugly smelly sweater.

Are natural fibers too much to ask? Why do people choose acrylic over natural fibers? Am I being too much of a snob? On the pro side, acrylic sweaters are warm and durable. They do not stain easily. They are inexpensive. On the con side, acrylic sweaters tend to be unreasonably ugly, they tend to pill and they exhale stink.

Acrylic should only be worn by those responsible enough. It’s a weapon of mass destruction and if one MUST wear it, one must wear it wisely.

Therefore, I propose yet another Deutsch Amt, the AcrylAmt. This government office is subsidized by heavy taxes paid by the manufacturers of acrylic garments and to a lesser extent the manufacturers of the actual fiber.

If you want to purchase such a garment you must take a test, swear to follow the rules and regulations of appropriate garment wearing and carry your license while wearing.

Violation of rules results in immediate suspension of right to wear and offending garment will be burned. (Screw the ozone layer.)

Here are the rules:

1. Garment cannot be worn more often than one bathes.
2. Garment can only be worn on the day of said bath/shower.
3. Garment may not be worn to a class, theater of any kind, restaurant or any place where large groups of people are likely to be.
4. Deodorant/anti-perspirant must be worn when wearing garment. (and not that rock thing. Salt rocks or any brand with “natural” in the tag line DOES NOT qualify as deodorant. If you’re going to break out with the man made fiber, you’re gonna have to break out with the Mitchum)
5. Any garment with rhinestones, sparkles, sequins or other “festive” decoration will be immediately removed and burned. Said garments fall under the Geneva Conventions' Violations of Human Rights.

As with everything Deutsch, there are a few exceptions in which case one may wear acrylic without following the above. These are specific situations and must be registered with the Amt before wearing. There is a phone number one can call and leave a message in case of an emergency.

Exceptions:

1. Children below the stink age.
2. Your name is Leslie Hall
3. You want to dump a casual, but annoying date that simply does not get the hint and calls and calls and calls, and hangs up when the machine picks up but you know it’s them.
4. “The Day After Tomorrow” becomes reality and the temperature drops 1°F per second and if you do not wear said garment you will die.
5. Any natural disaster that might result in someone having to identify your body and/or to prevent animals from making off with your remains.

Seriously, this chickadee in my class is really sweet and rather quiet, but she’s been wearing the same damn sweater for over a week. Today I walked in to the tiny little classroom, packed with warm bodies and an ambitious radiator, and was assaulted by her body odor. I’m sure she doesn’t personally smell that bad. It’s the damn sweater and she never takes it off. Acrylic amplifies odor exponentially. She must be so hot in that room, all bundled up. In fact, I know she’s too warm because she’s sweating and stinking up the joint.

So, if everyone just follows the rules, we’ll all be happy.

Sincerely yours,

Mrs. Oonlee Natural