Von Tauber Chronicles: Meet Tatiana

THIS should be fun. A guest blogger. On MY blog, I’m very positive and try to send out that “life is great” attitude. But on Jenny’s blog, I’m going to let out my sarcastic, complaining self. At least for today because today is a good complaining day.

First off, Germany lost their World Cup chance. This shouldn’t bother me because I am neither German nor Italian, but it does. I’m Czech by default, American by parent’s choice and international by personal preference. Don’t label me. I don’t like it.

Second, the German school system is great except for one thing: their damn schedule. It changes on a dime and I’m lucky to get a 24-hour notice that my daughter will be home either early or late from school. Never mind the doctor or personal appointments I need to suddenly cancel. Today my daughter is late. I suppose I got a notice telling me about it but I’m still learning German, so who knows. This normally wouldn’t be a problem except that I’ve cancelled and rescheduled three times in a row with this particular doctor. The only thing that should keep her okay with all my unexpected changes is that for the past two years she’s made a small fortune off my daughter’s eczema.

Third, it’s hot. F-N hot. Being a 20+ year resident of South Florida (God, that makes me sound old) it would be reasonable to think that heat would be something that my body would accept if not be used to. W R O N G !

I hate heat, weather heat that is. I hate it more when I’m stuck in an attic apartment with no air conditioner. The only way a true Floridian can survive in palm tree heaven is with air-conditioning because otherwise it would be like living in swampland and the inhabitants would become mosquito food. Even with five fans blowing in the apartment here, I’m sweating and annoyed and aggravated and I just can’t create like this. All I can do is bitch…and it’s nice that I can do it on Jenny’s blog.

Did I mention I hate heat? I’ve got to move to the Alps.

Fourth, I’m struggling with a 3 month old who seems to have nipple confusion or maybe it’s nipple preference. Simply put, my nipples are too much work for her little mouth to express milk and she is leaning toward the artificial kind. This would be okay if I didn’t have such guilt issues of weaning her off the breast so soon. I lasted 9 months with my first daughter and hoped to last at least 6 with this one. But noooooOOOOooo! Little Aries Squeaky over here likes it her way and that way is the ease of the artificial nipple flow. Breasts are no longer in.

I tried to think of a fifth complaint but realized that if I have to think too hard about it, I don’t have one. So, if this is all I have to bitch about, life’s not that bad. Today, that is.

Oh, let me introduce myself. I’m Tatiana. Jen and I met at a writer’s workshop several years ago in Frankfurt. Both of us arrived on our personal expat adventure in Germany at relatively the same time and I think we were both hungry for familiar backgrounds, strong coffee, packs of cigarettes and English conversation. Who knew we’d end up best friends?

A lot has changed in three years. For one, both of us quit smoking. And for intelligent women who just happen to be writers and see eye to eye on just enough issues to love each other and disagree on just enough issues to fuel the nervous twitch of a cigarette need, that is something for both of us to be proud of. But, I’ll have to admit, the thought of becoming a ‘social smoker’ has days when it’s appealing. Too bad I’m a commitment individual. When I start something I try keep doing it and make it a habit.

The next thing on our agenda is weight loss. Jen has her personal program ready and in the works and I’m determined to loose this extra baby weight by my 35th birthday, in five weeks. Fifteen to 20 American pounds in five weeks. Is this possible? Will Jenny beat me and loose more than I?

Stay tuned to find out. Cause, like I said, I’m a commitment kind of person. And I’m committed to have skinny sex first!
I bid you well, Tatiana von Tauber