Upfront and Personal

I was laying back, hands clenched on my stomach. The scent of his aftershave was oddly soothing. He kinda reminded me of an old boyfriend. I explained my hard limits and soft limits. I find it best, in these situations, if we all know the score. Sparky was there to make sure I communicated correctly and that we understood each other. I looked up into his speckled brown eyes, searching for a clue to gauge where the relationship was going. As it turns out, it was going all the way, baby. We’re talking long term.

“Do you feel any pain?”
“No. Do you want me to?” I mumbled, mouth full of cotton.
“Well, I just drilled into the root area. I’m sorry. You will most definitely need root canal.”

I’ve had a bit of tooth pain for the last few months. At first it was just seeds that bothered me. Then it was all chewing. I switched to the other side of my mouth. When it finally reached that constant dull throbbing, I knew I was in trouble and I knew I was going to have to find a dentist.

My experience has not been good with dentists. I had a Russian dentist who did not believe in Novocain. I did a really great imitation of a David Copperfield levitation act during that appointment. Painful does not accurately describe the sensation. And that whole idea that you cannot pass out from tooth torture is absolutely true.

Old Shaky hands completely missed one of four canals, which lead to another appointment with another dentist a few years later. When a dentist shakes his head and say F**K while examining you, it is not a good sign. This dentist was very kind and prescribed Valium before every visit, even cleanings. He said it was preferable to my constant twitching, jerking and the occasional bite.

Now, I’ve had some iffy experiences with regular doctors here in Deutschland. You can imagine my anxiety level whilst contemplating European dentistry.

Well, this guy came recommended by our friend, The Dentist. And it was a good recommendation. I felt no pain at the time. Now my gums are sore as all hell. However, I did not feel one drill bit. His hands were steady and he gave me a script for something that is supposed to calm me before the next appointment next week. Good Man!!

There was a moment of levity when I asked for a bite guard. I have a very bad tendency to bite dentists (I’m not exactly a gold-star patient). I was told that I didn’t need a bite guard; I just needed to open my mouth wide. I explained that my mouth is rather small and doesn’t open up all that wide. A point to which Sparky vocally attested to and agreed. Nice…

I have another invasive doctor appointment this evening because the dentist just wasn’t enough. After that, Sparky and I are headed for Berlin. He has a business meeting tomorrow and we’re taking an extra day as a Valentine’s Day mini-break.

A man nudges his wife before bed, feeling a bit amorous and asks, "Feel like a little booty?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow. Sorry.”

A few minutes later, he asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"