The Green Eyed Monster

So my husband is in love with another female. And she seems to feel the same way about him. I tried to be all “Mrs. Kinsey” about it, but I am jealous. I guess I’m just not into all that polyamory stuff.

Kiska is my 11-year-old black cat and she has fallen head over heels in love with Sparky. She waits for him to get into bed at night, and then she wraps her tail provocatively around his neck as she settles in for the night. By settling I mean she lays down right between us in the bed with all four of her little paws pushing against me as if to tell me to shove off. I’ve thrown her out of bed only to wake up with her right back in her favorite spot. In the morning, she jumps down to follow him to the bathroom or where ever else he goes.

All I ever hear is “ Look how beautiful Kiska is, doesn’t she have gorgeous green eyes, isn’t it cute how she sleeps all close to me”. What about my green eyes? And I’d snuggle closer at night if that damn cat weren’t all cuddled close.

Kiska has turned in to a Kellie Grawtski.

Kellie was a girl in my 2nd grade class who would trip me on the way to the water fountain. I’d end up with a mouth full of porcelain, a bloody fat lip and a lecture about running in the halls. Kellie, with her matching hair ribbons and perfectly coiffed pigtails, would smile sweetly and tell the yard lady I was running in the halls again. The yard ladies, teachers and parents all loved Kellie. The other girls were afraid. Kellie was the evil chick all girls encounter at one point or another in childhood.

Well, Kellie is alive and well in my house. Kiska is all sweetness and light when Markus is around, but when he leaves, I swear her eyes narrow. I know that cat has it in for me. Kiska, that turncoat, is just waiting for me to forget to clip her claws so she can claw my eyes out. I know she’s just waiting for the perfect opportunity to suck my breath away in the night.