Rabbit holes and big girl underpants

I fell down the rabbit hole, but I’ve finally put on my big girl underpants and re-joined the world.

I’d like to blame it on expatitis. When my head hurts too much to think in German, speak in German, to deal with the KAKs (Krazy-Ass Krauts), and too much is finally too much and my overload button gets pushed over and over like I’m a slow elevator. Then Sleep takes a hike and insomnia stops by for a chat and like a nosey neighbor overstays his welcome as if he were ever actually invited in for tea. But then Insomnia becomes my best friend because he’s quieter than dream-filled Sleep.

One of the reasons I knew Sparky might be the guy for me was because when he was around I could sleep, heavy, dreamless, deep. This was when my choice of self-medication was constant movement. Work early, stay out late, never stop, never stop, never stop.

Truthfully, its more likely just slightly fucked up brain chemistry mixed with a bit of hormonal imbalances. Thank god my Dad’s genes diluted my mom’s genetic mess. Thanks Mom for marrying outside the family tree (this is not necessarily a given on that side of the family).

I dropped Sparky off at the train this morning at 6:30. He’s been working like a madman lately. He left me the laptop and today is the first time I’ve touched it in ages. This sharing thing is getting really old, really fast. I think there might be a new laptop in our future.

After the drop off, I headed to the gym for the first time in weeks. Alone and without coercion. I was there before the place opened and stood outside waiting with 20 other people who looked liked they do this regularly. I had ample opportunity to turn tail and head on home, but those big girl pants, man, they make you do big girl things like take control again. I know, exercise is supposed to make you feel better, helps fight depression yada yada yada, but getting out the door seems to be my problem.

So, with this newfound energy, I will be returning comments and e-mails all day without sharing the comp and without interruption. This is good because I have a lot of google da Vinci code quests to catch up on. And celeb gossip. I wonder what that man lovin’ Tom Cruise is up to these days.